Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize