mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
