can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You left your phone here
Wait...
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