highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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