Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
