She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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