i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
