I got chris browned last night
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
