Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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