I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize