Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize