My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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