I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
