need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
