hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
