If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
