the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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