Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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