i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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