I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
