so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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