When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
