i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
