All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize