you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
