you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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