Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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