Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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