I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she told me i tasted like america
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
