today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
