we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
