she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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