Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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