this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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