So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
