I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
