I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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