if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
