so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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