wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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