You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
