Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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