The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
