I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
