Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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