He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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