I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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