I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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