Kiss
Puke
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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