I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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