Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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