never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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