There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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