He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
