You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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