I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
These tits shall not be calmed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
