yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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