I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
