1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
