my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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