I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
