It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize