READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
