Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
