i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
