Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
